I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
