took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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