Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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