I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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