I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
