Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
