This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
