Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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