whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
