one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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