I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
