508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
