I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
