Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
