this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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