i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
