if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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