im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
