We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
