after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
