you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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