Umm I'm too high to move.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
