just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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