We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
