i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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