he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
