so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
