I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
