I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
