she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
