My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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