why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
