At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
