Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
