u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
