I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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