Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
