there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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