Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
