Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
