He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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