You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
