Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
