Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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