So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
