you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
