I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
