you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
