Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
