What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
