Will you blow on my dice?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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