you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
