my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
