I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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