so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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