If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
