I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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