if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
