That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
